FLORIAN vs. ALDO vs. SPROUT

I'm surprised Jose Aldo even had the energy to fight, let alone defeat, Kenny Florian at this past Saturday's UFC title fight, after getting his @ss handed to him by a surly sprout. As seen from this picture it looks like the sprout used a classic arm-bar forcing his opponent to tap out before even getting to the ring. Time to get the cauliflower out of your ear and listen up little lady: If the sprout wants you down, it will take you down.

KISS ME, I'M A SPROUT

Instead of spending his time trying to banish nonexistent snakes from Ireland, St. Patrick should've focused his efforts more on getting sprouts out of the downtown area of White Plains. Everything from budding sprouts to fully bloomed sleeves could be seen stumbling about in a drunken green haze last night. I realize now that it's not drinking that brings out the worst in people, it's being Irish.

SPROUTS HATE GRUNGE

Take heed my flannel wearing friend, it's been rumored that it was actually Kurt Cobain's sleeve sprouts that shot him in the face and not a suicide after all. So stay true to your 90s fashion all you want but I wouldn't fall asleep next to any loaded firearms in the near future. Eddie Vedder actually sleeps shirtless for this exact reason...true story.

THE CAMO SPROUT

Here we have an interesting anthropological find, where common man is seen in his natural three-walled habitat looking triumphant in what he clearly mistakes as a victory over the protruding sleeve sprout. You can tell by the way this simple creature licks his lips and throws his hands in the air in jubilation with the belief that a matching color undershirt cleverly hides the advancing surculus sleevritus. Obviously this species has a long way to evolve.Click image for enhanced evaluation.

THE UNDERAGE SPROUT

Allowing a minor to rock out with sleeve sprouts a blazin' is only leading him down a road filled with fashion faux pas of epic proportions. It will only be a matter of time until he's heading off to the local 7-11 to pick up a nice cold tall boy while sporting a fanny pack, parachute pants and a mullet. That's right..where its all business in the front and a non-stop party in the back.

So turn the mirror on yourself America...you are the only one to blame for the failure of our future generations.

THE BRA STRAP SPROUT

I thought I would start the new year off right and show you a more risqué version of a sprout that I like to call the Strap Sprout. This display of pure unbridled sexuality makes me think that this lady of the night will not be going home alone. In fact, I think she may already have one potential customer looking for a midnight pony ride.