KISS ME, I'M A SPROUT

Instead of spending his time trying to banish nonexistent snakes from Ireland, St. Patrick should've focused his efforts more on getting sprouts out of the downtown area of White Plains. Everything from budding sprouts to fully bloomed sleeves could be seen stumbling about in a drunken green haze last night. I realize now that it's not drinking that brings out the worst in people, it's being Irish.

SPROUTS HATE GRUNGE

Take heed my flannel wearing friend, it's been rumored that it was actually Kurt Cobain's sleeve sprouts that shot him in the face and not a suicide after all. So stay true to your 90s fashion all you want but I wouldn't fall asleep next to any loaded firearms in the near future. Eddie Vedder actually sleeps shirtless for this exact reason...true story.